Finding Help

Before I get going: If any of you are writers, you may relate to the conflicting feeling when you sit down to write after some time away from it. Anxious to realize you still have it and scared that you've lost it. How a blank page can be so daunting and encroaching like it may swallow you whole if you don't squelch it with words arranged in a way that is enough riveting and enchanting to keep it at bay. That is my moment now. Well, are you riveted and enchanted?

I divert. Life is busy and hard and demanding and much time has passed since my last post. My upmost sincerest apologies. As such, I am telling my story retrospectively, doing my best to account for not only the details of events but the emotion I felt during that time. That is what this is about, the emotions these times evoke and how we can learn to cope with them.

So where were we? Ah, yes, seeking a psychiatrist. As anxious and ready as I was to find a doctor, at the same time I was paralyzed by where to start and which way to go. But you must just go, and keep going. As I ended the previous post, the search criteria is as follows:

• If you seek to explore medication, they must be an M.D.

• They must treat children

• Being that many cost $150-$300 per hour, ideally you need them to accept insurance. Furthermore, you need them to accept your insurance

• Toughest of all these days, with all the (thankfully) mental health awareness, they must be accepting new patients.

• In a perfect world you would also be in a position to decide if their bedside manner agrees with you. This luxury isn't an often one to come by.

The best place to start is with your insurance company's website. There is usually a "Find Care" or "Find a Doctor" section where you can find providers within your network. Here you enter in your needed criteria through a variety of filters. You will choose "Pediatric Psychiatrist". You can even filter further by specialty, i.e. age range, ADHD, anxiety / depression, substance abuse, etc. The results to your search will likely be plentiful, even overwhelming, leaving you feeling unsure how to choose. Typically each provider will mention whether or not they are accepting new patients, so start there. However, it isn't always updated so you will inevitably need to just pick up the phone and make a lot of phone calls. I called upwards of 15 providers, all of whom either do not accept insurance, were no longer taking my insurance carrier, not accepting new patients, don't treat under the age of..., or just booked out upwards of 6 months. Tip: If you check off all other criteria, book the appointment and get on a cancelation list. You can always cancel if you find a better fit or can be seen you sooner by another doctor.

If it's helpful, where I ended up having success was through our local hospital district that had many providers in their mental health departments. After all the phone calls and denials, it was the hospital where I was finally able to make an appointment. I hadn't started there because I sought a private practice with whom we could grow a bond. I feared a healthcare facility so vast would lack intimacy. It wasn't the case. The Pediatric Psychiatrist actually had a small little office, separate from the main hospital and was warm and inviting.

If you are reading this far into this blog, I don't need to explain the relief I felt to finally be in good hands. Or any hands, for that matter. I imagine you're likely craving to find this kind of support or remember how it felt when you found it. The immense responsibility of your child's mental health and quality of life is crippling and to relinquish it to a professional is very embracing.

The first appointment is dense. I sat in the waiting room on the bright yellow curved cushion, serpentined to a variety of other brightly colored cushions, as Abbie leapt from one to the next because, of course, the floor was lava. I began to fill out a massive amount of paperwork. I felt like a paralegal diving into a case file, assigned to pull an all-nighter. I nearly called for takeout. You fill out a plethora of questionnaires confirming or ruling out a number of conditions and diagnoses.

Once permitted to the office, you tell your entire story, from birth to present. I was happy to tell it, I found I needed to tell it, as though I was the one in therapy. The doctor hammered notes into her laptop, frequently directing Abbie to "keep the kinetic sand in the sandbox please", without looking away from her screen. A complete illustration of your background must be diligently painted before you can even start talking about treatment. But come, that time finally did and we were finally hitting the pavement.

Alas, it wasn't perfect and the journey to getting well, even now that the rubber hit the road, was one with many turns, detours and diversions... and road construction and Sunday drivers and duck crossings and large trucks piloting Extra Wide Loads and a child that never stops asking, "Are we there yet?".....